Raise Your Damn Kids

One of the funniest things about modern American politics is that somewhere along the way, conservatives convinced themselves that drag queens are secretly obsessed with their children.

Bitch, I need you to understand something… I don’t even want to sit next to your child at Saltgrass. I don’t want to hear your child scream in Walmart. I don’t want to watch your child perform an unsolicited TikTok dance in the middle of a Kroger aisle.

I sure as hell don’t want to spend my free time plotting ways to corrupt little Brayden, Kayden, Jayden, or whatever random combination of letters y’all are naming these dumbass punk kids these days.

For years now, we’ve been hearing the same tired accusations. Drag queens are grooming children. Gay people are grooming children. LGBTQ people are grooming children. Every week it’s a new moral panic. Every week it’s a new Facebook post from somebody who thinks a man in a wig reading a children’s book is the greatest threat facing the republic.

Meanwhile, if you turn on the news, there seems to be an endless parade of pastors, youth leaders, politicians, and self-appointed guardians of morality getting arrested for things that are a hell of a lot worse than reading Green Eggs and Ham at a public library.

Now before somebody starts foaming at the mouth, NO, I’m not saying every conservative is a predator. That would be ridiculous.

What I am saying is that it’s incredibly strange how much energy gets spent inventing imaginary villains while completely ignoring problems that are actually happening!

Most gay people are just trying to live their lives…

We’re paying bills. We’re arguing with customer service. We’re figuring out what we’re having for dinner. We’re wondering why our knees suddenly make noises when we stand up. You know, normal people things.

The idea that drag queens are secretly organizing some elaborate campaign to recruit children into homosexuality is actually hilarious.

Trust me when I tell you this: if being around children could make someone gay, half of us would have turned straight years ago just trying to escape them!

That’s where my frustration comes from…While certain people are busy screaming about drag queens being a bad influence on children, they seem completely unwilling to acknowledge the fact that a lot of today’s kids are growing up with zero accountability, zero resilience, and the emotional stability of a wet paper towel.

Every inconvenience is trauma.

Every disagreement is oppression.

Every consequence is unfair.

Every criticism is abuse.

Somehow this is everybody else’s fault.

It’s social media’s fault.

It’s the school’s fault.

It’s television’s fault.

It’s drag queens’ fault.

It’s the liberals’ fault.

It’s the gays’ fault.

It’s everybody’s fault except the people actually raising these children!

It’s time to be honest. If your kid is a disrespectful little nightmare, that’s probably not because they saw a drag queen reading a book.

If your teenager can’t handle basic criticism without having a complete emotional collapse, that probably wasn’t caused by a rainbow crosswalk.

If your child grows into an adult who believes the entire world should rearrange itself around their feelings, chances are that lesson started at home.

The same people who accuse drag queens of trying to influence children are often the first people trying to dictate what every child should read, learn, think, believe, wear, and say.

Projection is a hell of a drug.

Drag queens aren’t trying to raise your kids!

Gay people aren’t trying to raise your kids!

MOST of us don’t even want kids.

The universe looked at some of us and said, “You know what? This one doesn’t need offspring.” That was probably the right call. So stop worrying about the drag queen at brunch. Stop worrying about the drag queen at the library. Stop worrying about the drag queen existing somewhere within a 100-mile radius of your family.

Raise your damn kids!

If the next generation turns out to be entitled, fragile, ill-mannered little assholes, that isn’t on me.

I’m just the drag queen.

You’re the parent.

Xoxo, AB 💅💄💋