The 50 / 30 / 60 Year: How I Accidentally Became the Calm One

There’s a weird little mathematical situation happening in my life right now.

I’m turning 50 in April.

My husband and I will celebrate 30 years together in November.

And then, just to really keep the numbers interesting, my husband turns 60 in January.

So basically this whole stretch of time is what I’ve started calling The 50 / 30 / 60 Year.

And when you say it out loud like that, it sounds like we should be doing something dramatic.

A huge party.

A massive trip.

Some kind of big life event where everyone gathers and we celebrate like we’re in a retirement commercial.

For a while I thought that’s what we should do.

I had all these ideas spinning around in my head. Trips. Parties. Inviting people. Planning things. Coordinating things. Spending money on things.

Then something happened.

We put in new marble floors.

Now let me be clear… these floors were not just a birthday present. They were a birthday/anniversary/Christmas/possibly-forever present.

These floors are the kind of purchase where afterwards you sit down and go:

“Well… that’s it. That was the event.”

I’m perfectly happy with that.

Somewhere between approaching 50 and realizing we’ve been together through 4 decades, something strange has happened to my brain.

Things just look… different.

Not in a sad way. Not in a dramatic way. Just in a clearer way.

At some point you stop feeling like life has to be a constant parade of big moments.

You start realizing the best parts of life have been happening quietly the whole damn time.

Just living.

Just being together.

Just getting through another week with the same person who somehow still laughs at your dumb jokes after thirty years.

That’s actually the miracle.

People always assume gay guys want these big fabulous celebrations.

But I’m not that guy.

I’m not planning a Cher-themed retirement tour. I don’t even like Cher.

Give me my Oklahoma Sooners football, my Astros baseball, UFC fights, a bike ride, the beach, being outside, or messing around on my new electric scooter.

That’s my version of fabulous.

And the more I think about this 50 / 30 / 60 year, the more I realize something kind of hilarious.

All those big milestone numbers are supposed to make you feel like you need to stage some giant life event.

The event already happened.

Thirty years ago.

We met.

We stayed.

We built a life.

And here we are, decades later, sitting in a house with ridiculously nice floors, 5 dogs, and a relationship that somehow survived everything life throws at people.

Which, if you really think about it, is a hell of a lot more impressive than a party.

This year won’t be about giant plans.

It’ll just be about the things we already love.

Watching games.

Being outside.

Riding bikes.

Hanging out with the dogs.

Laughing about how the hell thirty years went by so fast.

Because if turning 50 teaches you anything… you don’t actually need more.

You just need to notice what you already have.

And right now?

I’m pretty damn sure I’ve already got the best part of life sitting right here with me.

XOXO, AB 💅💄💋