Bulk, But Make It Bougie: My Toxic Relationship with Costco and Why Sam’s Club Is Winning Custody

I never thought I’d be that person.

You know the one… two warehouse memberships deep, comparing prices like it’s a competitive sport, emotionally attached to paper towels in bulk.

I have been in a long-term, semi-toxic relationship with Costco. Executive member. Loyal. Devoted. Willing to overlook flaws like overcrowded aisles and the fact that I need to mentally prepare like I’m entering a battlefield just to buy bulk toilet paper.

And then… I started cheating.

With Sam’s Club.

Let me tell you something: Walmart+ changed my life. Not in a “drink more water” way… in a “I will never stand in a checkout line like a peasant again” way.

The game changer?… Scan & Go.

At Walmart, I scan my items as I shop, toss them straight into my bags like the efficient queen I am, and walk out with a quick little scan at checkout.

But at Sam’s Club?

Oh, baby. There is no checkout.

You scan.

You pay.

You leave.

No lines. No talking to anyone. No waiting behind someone buying 47 jars of olives and a flatbed cart of pure shit.

You just glide out of that store like you own the place while a giant overhead scanner silently judges your honesty.

Meanwhile, over at Costco…

What are we doing?

Why am I lifting a 40-pound bag of dog food onto a self-checkout station like I’m in a cross fit competition? Why did they take away the handheld scanners? Who hurt them? Who made them like this? Who was stealing?

Don’t even get me started on the crowding.

Costco feels like they took 25%-40% more product and said, “Let’s just… shove it in.”

It’s overloaded. It’s congested. It’s the Northwest Freeway in Houston 24/7.

Sam’s?

Open. Airy. Peaceful.

Like a bulk-shopping spa experience.

Ok… drumroll…

Every👏🏼Single👏🏼Thing👏🏼

Is cheaper at Sam’s.

Not sometimes. Not occasionally.

Consistently.

That gorgeous 98-inch TV seducing you at the entrance?

Costco: $1,500

Sam’s: $1,200

$300 less.

Explain it to me like I’m five, because I do not understand.

Before the Costco loyalists come for me with their little sample cups and emotional attachment to the hot dog combo… yes, I know about the cashback.

I have executive memberships at both. I’ve done the math.

Sam’s is quietly giving me more money back. It’s just not doing a dramatic yearly reveal like Costco does, where they hand you a check and you feel like you won a game show.

Sam’s is subtle like a financially responsible partner.

Even shipping!

I ordered a hot, impossible-to-find Ninja cooker… you know the one that braises, steams, pressure cooks, probably files your taxes.

Costco: more expensive and wanted to charge me $5 shipping.

Sam’s: cheaper, no nonsense.

Is it just $5? Yes.

Is it also the principle? ABSOLUTELY.

Everything is more expensive right now.

I don’t need an economist. I am the one buying groceries, household goods, and emotionally-supportive snacks. I see the numbers. I feel the disrespect.

When one place is consistently cheaper, faster, easier, and less likely to make me break a sweat just to check out?

It’s a no-brainer which club I’ll choose.

Costco still has a special place in my heart.

My dogs are loyal to their food, so the membership stays.

Sam’s is the future.

Sam’s is efficiency.

Sam’s is the friend who says, “Why are you making life harder than it needs to be?”

So if you’re out here debating…

This is me, Anita, telling you:

Get the membership.

Download the app.

Scan your items.

Walk out like the legend you are.

And never… never… get angry as hell because the wireless scanner guns have been removed from every single self-checkout ever again!

You’re better than that.

Xoxo, AB 💅💄💋